All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
