Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
