YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
