How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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