cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
