it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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