Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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