Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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