I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
