I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
