I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Please, let me fuck your mom
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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