Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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