the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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