I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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