hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
