when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
