So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
