i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
