I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Randomize
