just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Randomize
