I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
