Are we in a gay sports bar?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
