Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
