he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
