If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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