Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
