CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
