i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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