At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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