brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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