How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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