bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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