Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
