You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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