Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
