Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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