i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
