You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
