don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
