you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
