Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize