could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
