i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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