Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
