I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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