Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
