Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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