I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
