my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
