Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
