First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
