you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
