I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
