But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
