I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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