You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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