Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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