I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
