Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
