Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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