if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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