remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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