i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
