I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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