it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
