apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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