this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
