Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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