What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
