I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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