this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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