I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Randomize
