hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
His nipple licking is glorious
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