So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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