Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
We have so much sex to catch up on
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Randomize
