We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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