when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
