weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize