I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
