I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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