anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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