next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
