i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
