you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
