Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
