Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
