i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
smell my finger.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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