im drinking this country out of the recession.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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