I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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