HIV tests are more positive than that guy
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
